8th grade teachers?

can u make some corrections and give me some ideas? be strict with me!


The Taj Mahal


The Taj Mahal is a tomb in India that was built by Shah Jahan for his wife Mumtez Mahal. They started building the tomb in 1631 and ended 22 years later in 1653. The architecture of this building is similar to other Muslim buildings. It has rounded domes on the roof. The inside doors and windows are rounded. There is some Arabic writing on the walls. There are many arches and pillars. There are beautiful and detailed carvings of flowers and other striking things.

8th grade teachers?
The Taj Mahal is a tomb in India that was built by Shah Jahan for his wife Mumtez Mahal. They started building the tomb in 1631 and were done 22 years later in 1653.





The architecture of this building is similar to other Muslim buildings. It has rounded domes on the roof. The inside doors and windows are rounded as well. There is some Arabic writing on the walls. There are many arches and pillars. There are beautiful and detailed carvings of flowers and other striking things.





Hope this helps! Sorry i didnt make much changes! But I though it was well written!





By the way some suggestions are:





Use more descriptive words





Give more examples





Give a conclusion on what your point is!
Reply:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taj_Mahal





Here is a site that you can check and maybe get new ideas...maybe even print out a pic.
Reply:This isn't bad for 8th grade. Most other answers are on target. I do have an issue with one sentence. "They started building the tomb...." We as the readers don't know who "they" are. Change this to "Construction of the tomb began in....." This change will make your paragraph more readable.
Reply:add more detail such as give examples of some arabic writing on the wall. describe the arches and pillars. relate it to our world today. dont say "things".use "features". make it longer



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