Please proofread my paragraph and pinpoint any gramatical error and enhance it if possible?

Describe six images that reflect the background of the characters in this film as depicted in the opening credits.














What better way is to start a grade 11 poetry unit you may ask? Mr. Raible, our beloved English teacher, kick-starts it by introducing to what may seem a vivid deep movie called Dangerous Minds. Enthralled by the black and white intro was full of artistic sequences, and meaningful images that described the sad and hopeless society of the projects easily. The first image we are introduced too is the camera zoom out of graffiti on a wall stating in bold letters “love u baby”. Essentially, what this image is striving to convey is there was no respect for property. This general image can also bring into consideration the fact that it is a lousy neighbourhood and obviously the district isn’t that much prioritized by the law enforcement. The next image we come across is the tipped over stop sign on a near by road. Although this picture is without words, it shows the possibility that the sign marks a gang territory. Then, the next depressing image we see is the window of a house spray painted black, possibly an act of vandalism or an act to cover up a possible gang house. Also, we see a shrine with pictures and flowers commemorating someone’s death however it not nearby street rules out possible vehicle accident but rather concludes a gang oriented death. After we see a homeless guy pass in front of school girls, possibly a case of foreshadowing. It shows that maybe the girls’ futures are that of a homeless person. Last significant image we see is the drug dealing on the street once again demonstrating the type of society that this is, one where the crime rate is undoubtedly high. Finally, the artistic sequence that was executed perfectly well was the smooth transition of the black and white introduction to color when the bus was carrying the project students of the poor and corrupt society to the rich neighbourhood school. This scene also signifies a more happy and positive change in society. Though this intro of the movie Beautiful Minds may have been 3 minutes or so and without narration nor written words it did however convey with utmost clarity the surrounding of the characters accurately.

Please proofread my paragraph and pinpoint any gramatical error and enhance it if possible?
OK here it is. Grammar is correct. Very good writing, the analysis is excellent. Here are my suggestions





Use a thesaurus for words that are repeated several times. "Show" as you've used it can be replaced with:


Illustrate


Demonstrate


Display


Present


______________________________________...


However, this is too long for one paragraph. This is at least 3 or 4 paragraphs. A paragraph should be at least 3 to 4 sentences and not more then 7 sentences long.





Do not use contractions like can't, won't, isn't. Use the full words. cannot, will not, is not.


Try not to use words like "this, after, also" too often as the beginning of a sentence. Instead of also at the start of a sentence, use "In addition to" or "However".





For this sentence:


Essentially, what this image is striving to convey is there was no respect for property.





This image exhibits the lack of respect for personal property.


______________________________________...


(Consider changing the start of this sentence to "The starting image conveys…) use convey instead of bring





This general image can also bring into consideration the fact that it is a lousy neighbourhood and obviously the district isn’t that much prioritized by the law enforcement.


____________________________________


Take out words like "we, us, me, or I" Example:





The next image we come across is the tipped over stop sign on a near by road.





Instead try:





The next image shown is a stop sign tipped over on a nearby road.





All in all, this really good.
Reply:What better way to start a grade 11 poetry unit you may ask? Mr. Raible, our beloved English teacher, kick-starts it by introducing us to what may seem like a vividly deep movie called "Dangerous Minds". Enthralled by the black and white intro which was full of artistic sequences and meaningful images and graphically described the sad and hopeless society of the projects. The first image we were introduced to was the camera zoom out of a wall containing graffiti stating in bold letters “love u baby”. Essentially, what this image is striving to convey is that there is no respect for property. This general image can also bring into consideration the fact that it is a lousy neighborhood and obviously the district isn’t that much of a priority for law enforcement. The next image we come across is the tipped over stop sign on a near by road. Although this picture is without words, it shows the possibility that the sign marks a gang territory. Then, the next depressing image we see is the window of a house spray painted black, possibly an act of vandalism or an act to cover up a possible gang house. Also, we see a shrine with pictures and flowers commemorating someone’s death, however, the fact that it is not near a street rules out a possible vehicular accident but rather concludes a gang oriented death. Later, we see a homeless individual pass in front of school girls, possibly a case of foreshadowing. It shows that maybe the girls’ futures are that of a homeless person. The last significant image we see is the drug dealing on the street, once again demonstrating the type of society that this is, one where the crime rate is undoubtedly high. Finally, the artistic sequence that was executed perfectly was the smooth transition of the black and white introduction to color with the bus carrying the project students of the poor and corrupt society to the rich neighborhood school. This scene also signifies a more happy and positive change in society. Though this intro to the movie "Beautiful Minds" may have been 3 minutes or so, and without narration nor written words it did however convey with utmost clarity the surrounding of the characters accurately.



beauty