Anyone care to comment or constructively critique?

Too Old to Plant the Seeds





When I am too old to plant the seeds


That make new flowers for spring,


I will sit with my tea and enjoy the blossoms


Of yesterday’s plantings,


Now fully grown and robust, with life and beauty;


Standing tall and lovely


all on their own.


A just reward for this old gardener . . .


A rainbow displayed across my garden wall.

Anyone care to comment or constructively critique?
I like this, but (and there is so often a but).............because of the rhythm of the first three lines I found myself saying (very oddly) plantINGS - as though the emphasis was on the end of the word. If you shift the lines around (keep the internal rhyme of Spring/planting) this makes the reader read through the word planting and creates a more natural flow.What do you think?





When I am too old to plant the seeds


That make new flowers for Spring,


I will sit with my tea and enjoy the blossoms


Of yesterday's plantings, now fully grown


And robust with life and beauty:


Standing tall and lovely


all on their own.


A just reward for this old gardener....


A rainbow displayed across my garden wall.





The last line is particularly effective - yep, I like this.
Reply:Oh my! What beautiful imagery, especially the last verse. The work you have done in the past is your reward in the future. What a wonderful concept. We're so "now" oriented in America. I had a professor who said, "without knowledge of where we've been, we're like amnesiacs wondering in the wilderness." You've expressed this in a much better way in your poem.
Reply:I like it.


Very nice work:)
Reply:This actually is not a bad poem. In other words, it actually IS a poem. Keep writing!
Reply:love, love love, as always. you rock !!!! hey, can you circle it back around at the end ?? use something from the first sentence in the last sentence ?? LOVE IT, LOVE YOU, YOU ARE GREAT. TONI
Reply:The imageries are great. I love the colorfullness of the poem. I like how something at the end of life, life still flourish even if none is starting anymore. It clearly define the person having a full life and colorful legacy.


On the fourth line, it got a bit awkward with the word planting. Maybe you can use some methapor, since the poem seems to be a methapor of the old gardener (or you) and the gardeners children. Like "painted glories"





Good job.
Reply:I like this. It's really pretty. Thanks for the image!



flower