Arguments with girlfriend go NOWHERE?

It seems like every time I have an issue/opinion about anything the slightest bit controversial in me and my girlfriends relationship, I end up getting screamed at and then ignored the entire following day. Me and my girlfriend have a great sex life, and get along spectacularly until a problem comes along. She hears nothing I say. She simply props up an impenetrable defensive wall, accuses me of completely ruining her day for starting an argument and shuts off entirely. Anything said by her afterwards is usually an attack on me as opposed to anything productive. I feel like to avoid an argument I have to simply keep my mouth shut about my opinions. What the hell is going on here? My ex-girlfriend hated going to bed arguing... this girl seems to prefer it. I don't think keeping my opinion about anything but flowers and rainbows to myself is healthy. Am I wrong? Am I too negative? How can I make our arguments actually go somewhere with her kind of personality?

Arguments with girlfriend go NOWHERE?
Why do you want your arguments to "go somewhere"? I think thats a clue that you are not just expressing your opinion, but wanting her to ADOPT your opinion, or agree with you.





Be more aware of the things you bring up that start the argument. Because you probably ARE starting it... (and I got that from what YOU wrote.)





Don't bring up those things that you already know you don't agree on. 99% of them are not worth arguing about.





Practice this sentence....





"Okay honey, let's agree to disagree." Sometimes the short version is best...."Okay honey."





Unless you get some enjoyment out of the argument, let it go. I'm sure there is more than one side to this story.
Reply:Some people actually thrive on stirring the pot. My sister is like that and has been all her life. She's married now with five kids, but she still loves creating strife. What you have to realize is that you can't change people ... only yourself. If you try to change her, you'll only be beating your head against the wall. Your choices are either to find a way to let all her screaming roll off your back or just end the relationship.
Reply:She is too scared to face reality. She avoids conflict because of how it makes her feel. This is common in women, but usually not so extreme. To her, the problem exists within you and your expression drags her into it and makes her feel bad. So it's not really about the real issue anymore, is it? It always becomes something about her and how it makes her feel. She's using this as an escape tactic to avoid facing difficult situations. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is not very productive. She will grow to see you as a negative and argumentative person. And you will grow to resent her for avoiding issues that you find to be important. Here's the catch. You cannot explain how she is to her. You and I already know she won't listen. But perhaps she will listen if someone else tells her. I suggest you two go to some kind of couples counseling and just be honest. You don't have to tell the counselor "she does this" and "she always says that". Just say "I often feel like X when Y happens." She will come out and expose her true colors for the counselor to see. The counselor may request a private session with her to give her a more comfortable environment to talk about how she really feels and also break the news to her about her destructive behavior.
Reply:I'm normally not one to say this, but perhaps you need to move on.
Reply:Arguement...there's the problem. Remind her there is a huge difference between an argument and a discussion between two adults. When she goes into the A mode, immediately tell her "this was intended as discussion not argument."





Is this the only sign of SELFISH in her nature that you have seen? I bet there's more...
Reply:dump her...she's not going to change (people usually don't) and if she doesn't talk now or listen, she never will.
Reply:Just becauase you have a good sex life doesn't mean you have a good relationship. This relationship is built on sex and nothing else. No wonder it's going nowhere. Your arguments are going to continue to go nowhere because you're not compatible except for sex. You need to walk away and move on.
Reply:sounds like she likes it her way, and i'm sure you would like to have it your way sometime...if it doesn't ever hit a common ground, it won't work out forever. someone has to give, it sounds like you've been the giver while she takes...it's something you have to decide to do for the rest of your life, love her flaws and all, or find another
Reply:She either:


LIKES angry morning sex...or


is borderline NUTJOB!!





Coinflip, I'd say. That and RUN!!!
Reply:if she gets mad every time you have an opinion apparently you don't have much in common and maybe your whole relationship is about sex. maybe you should evaluate things better she may not be the one for you.



flower